I have a great capacity to look concerned. The absolute first wrinkle I am going to get is the one left from the permanent frown of concentration on my forehead. I think a lot. And, yes, I worry a lot.
This can result in me walking around looking like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’ve caught a few photos of me recently when I’m not aware of being photographed, looking positively miserable, when I’m certain I was only deep in thought or trying to puzzle something out. Add in the complexity of settling in to (and launching a business in!) a new country, and I’m going to be old and wrinkled long before my time!
But the amazing thing? Smile at someone and it doesn’t just impact them, it changes my own frame of mind.
We live very close to a city petrol station. This is great for those days when it’s after 7pm or a Sunday and I’ve forgotten to by bread or parmesan or eggs. I go in there pretty frequently to pick up just one or two things that I forgot at the supermarket. And the ladies who work in there (they’re all women for some reason) – they’re positively lovely! I smile and use my newest French words on them and they beam back at me, can’t wish me “bonne journée” enough times as I leave.
I’m certain smiling helps a lot. To look at someone and not look through them, but see them, acknowledge them, appreciate them.
I’ve started randomly smiling at people who catch my eye on the street. Only about a third of them smile back, the others duck their heads quickly looking awkward. It’s not normal to smile at strangers. I’m sure they all think I’m a little weird. But when you get a smile back? It feels good! A split second connection in the middle of a busy and full day. Maybe I’ll never see them again, or maybe the smile will become a daily thing as we both follow our normal routines and keep bumping into each other.
I am sure this is as needed in our home countries as it is overseas. But somehow it takes on a new significance as an expat. Some days the mountain of integration feels like a long and steep slog and the summit seems oh so very far away. My lack of language fluency is a heavy backpack weighing me down and I can feel awkward and out of my depth a hundred times a day.
But those smiles I get back? They say I’m welcome, they tell me I’m getting there. They remind me that really, these are just people like me, with jobs and families and sometimes-complicated lives. The differences may feel insurmountable some days but really there is no them and us. There is no foreigner and expat. We’re all people, just trying to get through the day in the best way possible, to find a way to live that is full of goodness and joy.
Today, I dare you: smile at a stranger. And mean it… !
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This post is part of my 31 days to embrace expat life. I’m writing every day through October on this topic. Click on the button to see all the posts so far…
I have a few posts planned for later this month that I’d love your help with! Are you a “trailing spouse”, moving for your partner’s job? Or are you an expat parent, negotiating life overseas with children? Send me an email with your experience, tips, thoughts (only if you’re willing to let me use what you write for my posts) to: hello (at) fionalynne (dot) com.
Yesterday’s post – Discover local culture (the Vianden nut festival).
“Smile at a Stranger” print from kikki.K
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I try and be smiley when I walk around and I was having a particularly smiley at strangers day in the supermarket once (sans enfant) and ended up having some creepy guy follow me around and then ask me out on a date. So, I learnt that #1 I’ve still got it baby (even if he was a bit creepy …) and #2 if you smile crazily at people something is bound to happen .. at least you’ll have something to talk about, or smile about yourself. ha ha
You’ve definitely still got it
But yes, maybe there should be a few guidelines…!
While it is common practice in my village to greet the bus driver when getting on and saying good bye when getting off, you would get very many strange looks, if you went and said hello to everyone else. Once a young woman from Russia did that and although everyone said hello back, the minute she got off all the older women started whispering “Do you know her? Why did she say hello to you?” And that made me smile.
That’s funny. No one wanted to be rude by not responding but they all thought it was weird! This is one of those subjects though where I think a little breaking of cultural etiquette is a good thing. A smile can break down barriers and challenge stereotypes and generalisations.
oh I get smiles lots – no matter which country I’m in. And it’s always the same age-groups too!
That being kids under 8 years of age. The first time in Luxembourg a little kid stopped in the street (he was about 3yrs old) and a big smile and said ‘moien!’ BF was all ‘you don’t know people here!’ and I was all ‘but its a kid. they don’t care’.
(we think the attraction/fascination to kids is: I’m only 4’7 in height and I look like a teenager .. so they equate me with them in some way .. but I also carry a handbag which apparently only mummys do, so that add’s to the confusion).
It’s great to see the parents faces though, they turn, look at me, realise they’ve no idea who I am and yet their child is smiling and waving so they smile back!
(my best one yet is a mother and son who came into a pizza hut. they sat a few tables away and the boy say me and kept looking over. THen he started fixing his toys on the back of his seat so I could see them .. then lifting up other stuff and the mother was laughing. I had to wave good-bye when I was leaving too)
Kids are frequently much more open to interacting with people they don’t know that adults are (and of course teaching them safety is key!) but I’ve spoken with some expats who said their own kids opened up more doors to friendships with locals than any other approach!
I just arrived a few day’s ago where I came from usually when I would smile at someone I would get one back. I like to smile I don’t realize i am doing it sometimes, but when I smiled here people would look away or just get a grumpy look on their faces. Then again its not even my third day here so I have to give it a chance. I like the video by the way!
Bridget, welcome
Three days in! Sometimes the cultural differences can seem their biggest in those early days. What might seem like unfriendliness is sometimes not that, but a different social dynamic going on that you haven’t experienced before. The biggest temptation as an expat (and I’ve done this) is to say, it feels wrong, therefore it must be wrong. Good luck settling in, and in the meantime, keep smiling at people!
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