Dear young woman at the gym,
I wrote to you recently. I encouraged you to stop being so half-hearted during your gym session, to stop worrying about what everyone else around you thinks, to recognise how wonderful the body you has is.
Yeah. I am such a hypocrite.
I spend about an hour at the gym, three times a week. In that hour, I probably spend about 30% of the time checking how all the other women in the room are doing, 25% disliking the women who are skinnier, faster, stronger than me, 15% of the time hoping my tummy isn’t sticking out too much after I ate too much pizza again last night, 10% of the time counting down the seconds until I’m done, 10% hating the personal trainer,
…and maybe, maybe, the last 10% feeling good about the fact that I am taking care of my body and it’s taking care of me.
I know. I know. I suck at taking my own advice.
I really did want to help you when I saw you in the gym last time. I saw you feeling awkward and embarrassed and wished I could tell you how beautiful and strong and wonderful you are. I believed it, I really did.
I just don’t always believe it for myself.
And so here is my confession. I frequently feel insecure about my body. I am relatively fit, not overweight, and yet I have believed our culture’s lie that I am not truly attractive until I lose those pounds that make me soft around the edges, can get through an hour’s workout and still look cute at the end rather than sweaty and dishevelled, have arms that look like Michelle Obama’s.
It’s bullshit. And I know it is and yet I still can’t quite shake it.
My mum told me every. single. day. growing up that I was gorgeous (and she still something texts me to remind me). Rasmus thinks I’m beautiful and sexy and he actually likes the soft bits. And even if no one was telling me, it would still be true. We women are stunning in our variety and yet it’s so much easier to believe it for every other woman except me.
And I don’t want to keep believing the lie. I want to remember instead that I do actually like my body, that even though I don’t always understand it, it has treated me well. I want to enjoy the feeling of working out, pushing my body to new limits every session and knowing I am healthier each time I do. I want to stop the constant comparing with other women around me. I want to feel confident.
Because there’s nothing more attractive than a confident woman. And it’s what I was trying to tell you. And it’s what I need to remember myself.
Because we are both so beautiful already.
Love Fiona x
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Photo source: Someecards.com
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Every mother needs to tell her daughters how gorgeous they are. Every day. It may not be a complete antidote for insecurity on body image as you show above but just think how much worse you would feel (and how others sadly feel) if you didn’t even have that affirmation from people who loved you.
PS As attractive as your physical appearance is, I think you are even more beautiful on the inside.
Aw mum your the best! x
Love you mama!
Yeah, this is spot on. I think I have finally, finally stopped worrying about my weight and the soft, round spots. (And boys do actually like them).
But it is a long, hard fight, and if we pay too much attention to the bombardment of media images, it is easy to become self conscious pretty fast.
You are beautiful. (And thanks to moms out there for reminding us of this every day growing up and every now and then in adult life. The one part of my body I am super proud of and not self conscious at all is my legs, but that’s 100% due to the fact that I got this message over and over again from my parents as a teenager and later).
I have been raised in insecurity… about my body, about my abilities, about my inner beauty, about my physical beauty, so please allow me to confess here too… I am so glad I had a son and not a girl, because, even if boys are today, also very conscientious about their body, I still think I will have less trouble to give him confidence that I would have had to a girl… I like to think I love myself, but it is so often not true… I love reading your blog, thank you.
Oh Steph, you targeted right here why I so want to learn how to love myself better. Because if children are in our future as we hope, I want to be able to pass down a healthy body image to them, not my own insecurities and hang-ups. I hope you’ll be able to rise above the insecurity you were raised into. You’re worth much more than that.
Hi Fiona,
What would happen if you actually did walk up to the girl at the gym and told her? That she is beautiful and that you too feel insecure about your body?
I spent years not liking my body and now that I am 43 I can say that I am that confident woman that you talk about. Not always, not every day. But in general. It’s such a shame it took me so long.
Now I try to tell people that they are beautiful, I thank people when I think they did great, I also tell people about my insecurities. And being this truthful, authentic and REAL (my word of the year last year) has opened so many interesting doors!
Go to that girl, talk to her! It will be good for her, and for you.
And yes, you are beautiful, inside and out! And yes, it doesn’t matter how many people tell you or don’t tell you, you have to tell yourself. Every day. Every morning when you look in the mirror. I actually had post its on my mirror for some time that said just that.
Take care and hope to see you again soon!