This conversation happened last night, as I was standing in the kitchen, stirring the vegetables in the hot frying pan and leaning my forehead against the too-low extractor fan.
Rasmus sat on the other side of the counter, on one of our red bar stools, a Leffe in one hand.
We do this, in the evenings. We sit and stand opposite each other in the kitchen, with a drink, and dinner cooking in between us, and we talk through the steam rising up to the too-low extractor fan about our days and the little moments and what he said and what she said and how we felt.
This is one of my very favourite parts of being married.
Last night, Rasmus looked at me as I was telling the story of my day, with my head leant against the too-low extractor fan and my eyes screwed shut for a moment in an effort to get over just how big everything feels right now, and said,
You’re wishing right now that you’d chosen home as your one word this year. He grinned.
Or hide, I said.
Because this is the thing about being brave. You know when people have told you to be careful about praying for more patience because God will just allow you to walk into many situations that demand you to practise patience?
It’s the same with asking him to make me more brave. He’s smiled back at me with so much kindness in his eyes, and said, I am so glad you asked for that. I can make you fearless. You’re just going to have to walk into a lot of situations that require you to be brave.
What were your resolutions for the year? What did you pray that He would change about you this year?
Because here is my secret, the one that I’ve not hidden so well: I have never felt less like being brave. I would love to stay home and hide from all the big opportunities and challenges knocking at the door. But this is what I asked for. This is what I wanted. This is what I still want. To be brave. To not let fear lead to regret when I look back on this year, this life.
Becoming brave requires walking through scary situations. Becoming patient requires dealing with slow and infuriating people and contexts. Becoming generous requires giving beyond your comfort level. Becoming less angry requires facing frustrating and maddening issues. Learning to forgive requires looking into the face (literally or figuratively) of people who wronged you. Learning to love your neighbour will introduce you to people you don’t think you could ever open your front door to…
Being brave is not easy. But I continue to walk into these scary situations because there is no other way I can learn to have courage.
I hear a voice in my ear even now, whether I turn to the right or to the left, saying, this is the way, walk in it.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
love you.
love you too.
As your second word of the year you should have chose “inspire”. Because that is definitely what you are doing for those of us who read your posts. At least, you have for me. I find courage and encouragement when I read about your struggles and triumphs. Beautifully written and poignant truths lovie! I enjoy who you are as a person so much. I just wish we weren’t worlds apart (Alright, just COUNTRIES apart, not quite worlds) because I’d love to sit over coffee in the afternoons with a fabulous woman of God like yourself and get to know each other better. You also have inspired me to start looking creating a blog of my own. I’ve been thinking on it for some time but find the idea so intimidating! I have so many doubts about the quality of my writing or whether or not I’d have anything worthwhile to say, but I may just have to find my “Brave” and do it anyway!
P.S. I was just commenting to my husband last night while briefly reading a post on your Facebook and showing him photos of where you live now (and looking Luxembourg up on the map! He thinks we should visit
Do you remember Josh from that Rendezvous you were at all those years ago?) that you have the MOST charming smile! It just shines! It literally lights up your photographs. You have such a natural elegance about you! And I thought, instead of just thinking this to myself (and in this case sharing it with my husband as well) I decided I should tell YOU, because who doesn’t want to hear that someone thinks they’re beautiful on a random Wednesday in March? 
Sending much love from Fort Wayne, Indiana (We moved from Wisconsin!! I miss it though… Wisconsin is still home. I’m in very much the same boat as you are right now when it comes to homesickness and being outside my comfort zone…. trust me.)
Anne, you are so kind. I am so glad to hear you enjoy reading what I have to write.
Of course I remember Josh, he is very memorable! (But goodness, that feels like a long time ago!) I saw your wedding photos and you both looked so happy. Clearly there is a lot to catch up on so you definitely need to come to Luxembourg for that cup of coffee and long natter…
And about starting a blog. Everyone has something to say. Everyone has a story. So if you feel the desire within you to write it down, do it! Do it because you enjoy to do it because there are tens of thousands of blogs out there with fantastic writing but only a handful of readers. But you’re my greatest example of it being worth it anyway
Wow, this is a great blog post…thanks for sharing.
Thank you sweet friend.
Though perhaps scary to leave the cozy and warm tent/cave….I hear the view is pretty spectacular.
In fact, I am venturing out in new ways myself too these days. Had a milestone last weekend when I finally finished and presented a long-term project. First project in Canada and it feels pretty great to have made it.
Always glad to hear your journey…
Oh that is so good to hear! Long-term projects can be the hardest because you wonder if they’ll ever be finished but what a sense of achievement to have presented it!
The view is definitely worth the difficult crawl out the cave
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