MichaelScott

I have major FOMO. I want to know about everything that is going on. I want to be the first to hear all my friends’ news. I want to be in the photos that appear on Facebook the next day. I want to have the same success as my friends. I want to travel to all the same places and be at the same conferences and meet ups.

It makes me say yes to meetings and parties that I don’t really want to go to. It makes me say yes to roles and responsibilities I have no passion for. It makes me fill my calendar almost to bursting point.

Why am I so scared of missing out?

For me, it’s rooted in insecurity. If I don’t keep saying yes to these roles, how will I be able to measure my value or skill? If I don’t go to that party, maybe my absence won’t be noticed – I need to keep reminding people I’m worth inviting! If I don’t know the news first before anyone else, is it a sign that I’m not liked, or not trusted, or not – gasp! – indispensable?

I’ve battled with insecurity for a long time, and it’s been an easier or harder fight depending on the season I am in. Life changes (like moving home, taking or resigning a job, becoming a parent) are often a catalyst for a harder season, because they expose the truth that I had slipped back into basing my worth and my identity on these things. When they shift, I must do the work again of embracing an identity that is based on something solid, a foundation that is firm.

I’m a huge lover of personality tests. I’ve done them all. The Strengths Finder, the Myers Briggs, what kind of dog would you be… (I’m only kidding a little). I was introduced to the Enneagram through Leigh Kramer, and love how much depth it goes into. I am a Two (the personality types are numbered). This is what the Enneagram Institute highlights as the ‘Key Motivations’ for a 2:

Twos “want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.”

Eek. It both makes me profoundly relieved and profoundly uncomfortable to read that. Relieved because suddenly it makes sense why this battle for self-worth has been such a fight for me. Uncomfortable because I know these motivations can easily lead to unhealthy approaches to life – including an overwhelming fear of missing out.

Pregnany and motherhood have been the biggest lesson, this past 18 months, in giving up my FOMO. I’ve no longer been physically able to keep doing the amount of things I had in my calendar before. And so as I’m learning the important skill of saying no, I’ve also started facing up to that fear, and seeing it for the paper tiger it is.

Here are some questions I’ve learnt to ask myself to help me out of a FOMO moment:

Why do I want this? What is my motivation for wanting to go/be involved now?
What am I really missing out on here? Is it something that impacts my own journey in a significant way?
Is my fear realistic? Am I imagining the thing I am missing in a way that’s truthful?

These questions help me unpack my FOMO so that I can see it for what it really is. And sometimes that means realising the reason for my fear is that I am truly passionate about that role/event, and I can then make changes to my schedule or priorities, or set future goals, towards not missing out next time.

Isaiah 20:31

But mostly? I realise my motivations are suspect. My fear is actually insecurity. And once I figure that out, it takes away so much of the power of the event. Yes, I missed out. It doesn’t matter. This doesn’t need to affect my contentment or my focus. It helps me start to be truly happy for others’ experiences and successes. And it helps me keep my own feet walking on the path that is just my own.

Fear of Missing Out is a big distraction to my own life’s journey. Instead of staying sure and certain of the direction I’m going, I allow everyone else’s lives, successes, moments and visions divert me from my own. By giving up FOMO, we create room in our hearts and minds – breathing space – to hear and understand where we are being called to go, who we are being called to become.

Beautiful things can happen when you stop trying to follow everyone else’s path and start walking your own.

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Giving It Up - a Lenten journey towards wholeness // Fiona LynneThis post is part of a mini series I am doing through Lent this year, called Giving It Up. You can go back and read about my journey Giving Up Fear, and Giving Up Apathy.

Michael Scott GIF: Source.

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right now- February 2015

February 26, 2015

Baby walking

February started in the French Alps and is ending right back home in Luxembourg. Kaya turned eight months (what?!!) and is determined to walk everywhere. She cries if we sit her down. Crawling she has zero interest in. My family came for a long weekend in the middle of the month, so they could give mama and far’s backs a break walking her around…!

This month I was mostly…

reading.

I finished People of the Book, by Geraldine Brooks. It’s a fascinating story following the life of an illuminated Jewish prayer book, the Sarajevo Haggadah (which actually exists), on it’s imagined journey from Spain in the 14th century, to Sarajevo during the war in the 1990s. It’s an interesting and sobering read which shows the heartbreaking history of the Jews in Europe. I preferred the flashbacks to the current day narrative, but overall a good novel.

I’m also nearly finished reading A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L’Engle. It wasn’t a book I ever came across as a child, but sooo many people I know feel about it the way I feel about the Chronicles of Narnia. So I decided to try it, and although you can never recreate the magic of reading a book as a child (I was underwhelmed by the film ET when I watched it as an adult for the first time!), I’m enjoying it a lot.

listening.

The new album from The Brilliance – Brother – is fantastic. I have it on repeat. I love how many of the lyrics are taken from ancient liturgies and prayers. They stay in my head and they calm me when I’m feeling stressed. All good.

I enjoyed the On Being interview with Mary Oliver this month. I adore her poetry, so it was interesting to hear her read some of them, and talk about her life.

watching.

I watched the documentary Alive Inside, on the recommendation of a friend. It’s a look at the power of music to help dementia and alzheimers patients. It was both sad and lovely to watch, reminding me a lot of my Nana who suffered from dementia the last years of her life. It’s a heartbreaking disease and anything that can improve the life quality and happiness of those who live with it, is worth it.

eating.

I made my own granola for the first time which made me very proud. And feel a little silly,because it is sooo simple. Why haven’t I done this before?! I used this recipe, but will play around with the ingredients a bit next time (just for fun – it’s a good basic recipe).

I made this chicken, chicon and sage bake again, which I really like. Ignore the terrible taken-on-a-phone-with-flash photo at the link. It really is delicious!

Shrove Tuesday

And of course for Shrove Tuesday, we had to have pancakes! We invited our friends Gautier and Eli over and made traditional Breton crepes with buckwheat flour. So good! I am never going back to plain flour crepes, these had so much more flavour. We had them with a bacon, leek and gruyere filling.

making baby food.

We do a mixture of chunky purees and finger foods right now. Kaya’s favourites this month:

 

Family in Luxembourg

loving…

A visit from my parents and little sister. It’s precious seeing them spend time with Kaya.

A wonderful week in the French Alps with good friends.

Looking forward to our church’s woman’s retreat at the beginning of March. We’re escaping to a manor house in the south of Belgium and it looks amazing!

Finding the perfect child-sized rocking chair at the second hand store, which Rasmus then went back and bought after I’d spent days talking about it.

Having lunch on the balcony for the first time this year. It was so sunny and warm! And then we woke up to snow the next morning… Ugh, I guess spring is still a little way off.

I’m linking up as always with the lovely Leigh. Click over there to read all the other link ups. I always find some great recommendations.

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Giving up Apathy

February 25, 2015

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dream for […]

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Holiday in Samoëns (or, how I learnt to embrace holidays as a baby mama)

February 23, 2015

A few weeks back we were invited by good friends to join them at their family’s chalet in the French Alps. Well, as another friend said when I told her, You never say no to the Alps.  So we packed up our little seven month old and her not-so-little supplies (I guess we’re still trying to […]

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Giving up fear

February 18, 2015

Three years ago, I chose one word for the first time, to guide me through my year – my first in Luxembourg – and help me live a better life. I chose Brave. I thought and wrote about courage so much that year (you can find all the bravery files here if you’re interested. I […]

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right now – January

January 30, 2015

  This has been a slow month, in a good way mostly. My days are full of not very much – play with my wee girl, make more baby food, try to fit all the cleaning and emails and projects into the few hours she naps. There is lots of space for imagining and day […]

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On Kaya’s birth. (And how I learned to redeem a memory)

January 19, 2015

Three hours old. Full disclosure: this is a post about birth. So it includes details you may normally classify as “too much information”. Just saying… ** It’s a thing, in blogging world, to write up your birth story and share it with the world. I thought I would. I did so much preparation for Kaya’s […]

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A year of dwelling.

January 13, 2015

The thing I am discovering, through this practice of choosing one word – or rather, allowing one word to choose me – is that rarely does it turn out how I expected. That first year, when I chose Brave, I thought it was going to be about finding courage in a new country to make […]

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right now – December

January 4, 2015

Oh December, you were good to us. We left for Denmark on 11th and spent two wonderful weeks enjoying friends and family in Copenhagen and on Bornholm. This is the plus side of both being unemployed – being able to leave whenever you feel like it! Leaving so early also meant we didn’t put up […]

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Dear Kaya – six months

December 25, 2014

My dear sweet Kaya, Today you are six months old. I joke that we planned your arrival perfectly to be halfway to Christmas, but the reality is we’d been waiting and hoping for you for long enough that we didn’t really care what date you arrived. Today you were up early as usual, talking loudly […]

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