When the Holy Spirit is our Midwife // Fiona Lynne at She Loves Magazine

I had just finished throwing up for the first time (not the last) into a handful of paper towels when the midwife walked in.

“I’m sorry. I threw up” I said to her, although that would have been pretty obvious from the vomit covering my t-shirt and bed sheets (paper towels not being particularly appropriate for the task). She smiled and told me not to worry, they saw it all the time.

The truth was I was so entirely relieved to see her face that I would have thrown away even more of my dignity to ensure it. This was the midwife who’d led our prenatal classes, who’d been so kind when the tears came unbidden during one of them and my fear tumbled out in mixed up words. I’d come home that day and dared to pray what I so hoped for – that she might be on shift when my time came.

And then there she was, walking in to our delivery room minutes after we’d arrived, my contractions already strong and frequent. It felt like answered prayer. It felt like a whispered assurance from the Spirit that She was there, that She was in this with Rasmus and I and our unborn baby, that we’d be ok.

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This is the first time I’ve found the words to write about one aspect of Kaya’s birth (can you believe she’s two months already?!). I’m sharing our experience over at SheLoves today. Will you join me over there for the rest of the story?

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found treasure

August 24, 2014

Writing doesn’t happen to frequently these days. My head is still filled with thoughts and ideas and plans, but finding a moment long enough to write them down, sit with them, let them simmer on the page – those moments are few and far between, and then I also have to chose between writing and napping.

But although this blog might be somewhat neglected, I am reading a lot. In the long hours of feeding and rocking and feeding again, I launch myself into the interwebs, one-handed, and discover articles and posts and writers who teach me and inspire me and make me laugh. Sometimes it’s the wee hours of the morning when I’ll read something that takes my breath away or makes me want to pause everything to find out more.

So I thought I might occasionally share those findings here. They won’t always be up to date links – I often find myself way back in the archives of whatever website I’m on – but even if my own writing will take longer to be ready, I can offer the treasure I’ve found elsewhere and that way we can enjoy them together…

I was all ready to make a weekly commitment and then I remembered what I just wrote about expectations and rethought that. They’ll be here when they’re here.


Validating Each Other’s Stories, by Claire De Boer for SheLoves
“I think my story represents many people who aren’t rising to be fully themselves. People who remain silent and feel unseen. They are the people who fall through the cracks because their story isn’t hard enough. As a society we idolize success and we cradle those who suffer, but the people in between often remain unseen.”

There was a lot I could identify with here. Helping people embrace and live out their best story is something I get so excited about, but it’s often hard for me to feel like my own story is worth telling. Claire’s words are always encouraging, these especially so. (SheLoves’ whole week on Mentoring is worth a read).

Thoughts on Depression, Suicide and Being a Christian, by Nish Weiseth
“Folks, saying someone is depressed or suicidal because they aren’t praying enough, are self-absorbed, sinful, or don’t have a deep enough faith? It’s abusive. And it needs to stop. Now.”

After the sad news of Robin Williams’ suicide, I read some vulnerable, wise and helpful posts from a number of Christian bloggers who’ve dealt with depression and/or addiction. This was one of them.

Our Father in Heaven, Mystery Beyond Knowing: A Prayer of Abundance, by Lacy
“Instead of just a magic trick, it’s a gesture of abundance, generosity, and enough (and then some). And it’s a testament to the gesture of the Divine toward us. Not like the prosperity gospel, though, where faithfulness is rewarded with a flashy car and a mansion. Instead, God shows generosity through nourishment (in the case of this passage, literally) and offers abundance through things that bring lasting life—body, mind, and soul.”

I discovered Lacy at A Sacred Journey sometime in the last few weeks and I think I’ve read just about everything on her website since then. Her writings on pilgrimage and everyday intentional faith speak straight to my heart. This was one of her posts that stayed on my mind days after I read it.

Vicky Beeching, Christian rock star ‘I’m gay. God loves me just the way I am’, by Patrick Strudwick for The Independent.
“In hospital a few weeks later, Beeching made a vow. “I looked at my arm with the chemotherapy needle poking out, I looked at my life, and thought, ‘I have to come to terms with who I am.’” She gave herself a goal: to come out by the time she was 35. “Thirty-five is half a life,” she says, sadly. “I can’t lose the other half. I’ve lost so much living as a shadow of a person.””

I first discovered Vicky through her music many years ago. More recently, I’ve followed her on twitter and been impressed by her wisdom and perspective on many current events and church issues. Last week she came out, and it was brave and strong to do so. I wish her peace and joy and continued courage now that her sexuality is public knowledge.

An Open Letter to New Mama Me, by Beth Woolsey on the Huffington Post
“Welcome to the land of Both/And, lady; both crushed with love for this new little life and breathless with the loss of yourself. Parenting is relentless no matter how you arrive there. Oh, New Mama. You will feel beaten, sometimes every minute, but I promise you, you will not stay down. You are a woman and you are just beginning to learn how very strong you are.”

This is the post that made me cry, that I’ve read multiple times, that inspired me to stop and consider what I needed to tell myself (which inspired my own letter yesterday). Motherhood is hard and it can be so lonely. I’m incredibly grateful for the few women who’ve made it their mission to get me through this time. Their texts and messages and gifts are what keep me going many days.

And finally, just so you don’t think all the things I find online in the midnight hours are deep and meaningful (although this did kinda make me cry too…).

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To the new mama (to myself)

August 23, 2014

“Often our expectations of how life should unfold get in the way of meeting things as they actually are… When we meet the unexpected with love, rather than opposition, we open the way for a more soulful path through life. In yielding my resistance I already find great healing. In softening my internal rules about […]

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I Am Becoming (on Motherhood) – a Guest Post

August 1, 2014

Karen and I “met” through Leigh’s monthly What I’m Into link ups. I noticed that she was based in Ireland and, always wanting to find more Europe-based bloggers, clicked over to her site. There I found someone with an open and beautiful way of writing that encouraged and inspired me. I also discovered that she […]

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right now – June and July

July 30, 2014

I missed the link up last month, but I guess I have a pretty good excuse. This month we’ve been figuring out how to keep our daughter alive and (mostly) happy. It’s been wonderful and overwhelming and chaotic and transforming. In mid June I finally said screw it and declared myself officially on maternity leave. […]

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On taking selfies

July 26, 2014

This first month with Kaya has been hard. Many parent-friends told me it would be of course but there is this thing about life that you can never truly understand something until you experience it yourself. The sleep deprivation + raving hormones + trying to figure out how to be a good mother to this […]

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Becoming Mama

July 18, 2014

Our little girl is over three weeks old already. I can’t quite believe it… On 25th June, just after midnight, my waters broke. Twelve hours later our gorgeous Kaya Grace was lifted out of the water and placed in my arms, Rasmus right behind us. We were totally smitten from the start and it still […]

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grieving without fear

June 21, 2014

A few weeks ago I cried at the hospital. It was the end of a prenatal class where we’d been talking about the birthing process. We were all lying on our sides, propped up by a mass of pillows, spending some welcome time in relaxation before the class ended. I’d felt the tension in me […]

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Lingering Light

June 19, 2014

“…The summer solstice has become one of my favourite times of year. It tends to sneak up on me, coming so early before the European schools have closed for the year, when everyone is still “looking forward” to the summer. This year is different though. My Midsummer Baby is due to arrive any day now. […]

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when living water flows

June 17, 2014

Walking to my favourite coffee shop in Luxembourg city centre yesterday, I walked past a small crane on the back of a truck, with two people in it, installing a new street art feature down the pedestrian street: dozens of colourful umbrellas hanging in rows. It seems that even (especially) after two weeks of wall […]

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