all in my head

May 27, 2009

I had a really scary experience on Friday lunchtime. I was shaken up enough to take most of the afternoon off work and need a good deal of comforting through the evening.

The thing is, it could have been so much worse. I didn’t come to any harm and I was able to get help really quickly. But the fear lingered on. Walking home from work early that afternoon I was constantly checking over my shoulder despite the absolute certainty I had that I would not see the same face again. Somehow though the path between the logical part of my brain the emotional part of my brain was not working effectively.

Saturday morning I got up early-ish and sat drinking espresso, eating the leftovers of the blackberry buttermilk cake and doing my homework for the bible study my frend Marissa and I are currently doing together (It’s a Beth Moore study on Esther and I’m really loving it so far). This morning, the study discussed one of the greatest tricks of the enemy – to get to us psychologically.

I imagine what could have happened, what might happen, the worst-case scenario, and I let fear dictate our actions. Beth wrote “the psalmist, David, knew what walking through the valley of the shadow of death was like and yet he pledged himself to fear no evil because he knew God was with him“.

Words I needed to hear.

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  • Marissa

    i struggle with the exact same thing. i am so sorry you had a bad experience. 🙁

  • Jill Schalesky

    Okay, yes, God is with you, but I also believe that God has given us instincts, good ones too. So what if our instincts make us a little crazy sometimes, if they save us, or others, from harm. Not making light of this experience, rather, I am encouraging you that you may have been nervous with good cause, and those feelings may have saved you from an unpleasant experience, and yes, some comforting after something like that is legitimate and needed! Have you ever read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker? Not for the faint of heart, but good reinforcement about trusting our instincts in matters of safety.

  • fionalynne

    Hey Jill, thanks for the comment! I definitely see that fear is a necessary emotion to have when you live in a world that has many evil things – fear tells us when we might be in danger, makes us use our common sense to not do foolish or risky things, kind of like pain is useful for warning us when we are about to do serious damage to ourselves – like touching a hot stove.

    I guess what I wanted to say, and am trying to avoid, is letting fear rule over me, control my life so thoroughly that I ahve no peace or joy in what I do. In the park it was right to feel fear. Walking home from work that afternoon along busy roads in the middle of the day, I had no reason to let that fear take over. In that situation I need to let God’s assurance cancel out the fear. Does that make sense??!