motherhood

Becoming Mama

July 18, 2014
The birth of Kaya Grace

Our little girl is over three weeks old already. I can’t quite believe it…

On 25th June, just after midnight, my waters broke. Twelve hours later our gorgeous Kaya Grace was lifted out of the water and placed in my arms, Rasmus right behind us. We were totally smitten from the start and it still feels totally surreal that we get to keep her.

Kaya and Mama

I meant to come and post here much sooner, but goodness, these first few weeks have been a bit of a blur. I have never been more tired (a friend described sleep deprivation as “a kind of torture” yesterday and I tend to agree). We are figuring out nappies and how to get her chubby little arms into those tiny clothes without her screaming blue murder, attempting to get all three us out of the house together occasionally, dealing with poo explosions (the latest today in the middle of the park), texting my mama-friends a few times a day with new questions about her, or about my own body and its recovery.

And in the midst of all that chaos, I’m working through my own emotions from the birth, dealing with the hormones that like to make me cry every few hours and trying to remember to drink enough water and take my vitamins. It’s a lot! Often it just feels hard. Like “maybe we’ll be a one-child family” hard.

Kaya and Far

But then I look at her lying next to me on her quilt, making funny squeaks and grunts in her sleep, and my heart is fit to explode. The feelings I have for her are less sentimental and more fierce. Like if you do anything to hurt my baby I will take you down. You’re most likely to find me crying when she’s crying because I can’t handle her being upset. I will do anything in my power to make her happy.

And so I’ll feed her again for the third time this hour even when it hurts. I’ll carry her around at 4am until she sleeps because she’s still a bit freaked out lying on her own. I’ll lie and sit in awkward positions to help her feel more comfortable. I’ll ignore the fact that we haven’t cleaned the house in three weeks, that the laundry is piling up, I’ve dozens of emails to reply to, a blog without posts, and dozens of thank you cards to write and send.

Because I’d do anything for her. This love is fierce.

And because, goodness, those cheeks! Could she be any cuter?!

Kaya and Mama 2

**

Thank you so much to all of you who have messaged us, tweeted us, emailed, sent cards and gifts, dropped over meals, held Kaya so I could shower, and generally been so thrilled for us. We are so grateful and will eventually find our new normal – hopefully with a little time to reply to you all!

The blog might continue to be a little quiet for a while, but I’m still around on twitter and instagram (they’re easier to keep up with one-handed in the middle of the night while she feeds in the dark…) and I’d love to connect with you there.

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  • Erica Guthaus

    Thank you so much for sharing her with us!

  • She’s adorable! Congratulations to you and Rasmus.

    • fiona lynne

      Thanks Christina x

  • SarahKafui

    What a beauty! I love this, Fi.

    • fiona lynne

      Thanks, lovely. Wish you were here to meet her!

  • You describe it all so well. The fierce love and all those difficult bits. We are so delighted and overjoyed for you 3 and we can’t wait to meet her in real life.

    • fiona lynne

      Thank you Amanda. For the gift and your messages and for being just lovely!

  • Heather Deeming

    Congratulations! She is beautiful! And oh gosh, I remember those early days (weeks) so vividly – that fierce love, the crying, how it was the hardest thing I’d ever encountered, but also the most brilliant. Basically, just as you said. You are doing wonderfully.

    • fiona lynne

      Thank you so much Heather. It means so much when other mamas tell me “oh yes, me too. keep going…” x

  • Amy

    I was just thinking I wanted to see more pics of Kaya and you two and so I thought, well maybe she has blogged and you have!! I bet she has grown so much even since this post almost 2 weeks ago! Praying for you guys so much. Love you and excited for you all! Thanks for your honesty!! I know it will hit home in just a few days/weeks…:)

    • Amy

      PS: She is just the cutest and most precious little lady! <3

    • fiona lynne

      Love you. So glad we’re walking this life transition together, even from far away… x

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