motherhood

Becoming Mama

July 18, 2014
The birth of Kaya Grace

Our little girl is over three weeks old already. I can’t quite believe it…

On 25th June, just after midnight, my waters broke. Twelve hours later our gorgeous Kaya Grace was lifted out of the water and placed in my arms, Rasmus right behind us. We were totally smitten from the start and it still feels totally surreal that we get to keep her.

Kaya and Mama

I meant to come and post here much sooner, but goodness, these first few weeks have been a bit of a blur. I have never been more tired (a friend described sleep deprivation as “a kind of torture” yesterday and I tend to agree). We are figuring out nappies and how to get her chubby little arms into those tiny clothes without her screaming blue murder, attempting to get all three us out of the house together occasionally, dealing with poo explosions (the latest today in the middle of the park), texting my mama-friends a few times a day with new questions about her, or about my own body and its recovery.

And in the midst of all that chaos, I’m working through my own emotions from the birth, dealing with the hormones that like to make me cry every few hours and trying to remember to drink enough water and take my vitamins. It’s a lot! Often it just feels hard. Like “maybe we’ll be a one-child family” hard.

Kaya and Far

But then I look at her lying next to me on her quilt, making funny squeaks and grunts in her sleep, and my heart is fit to explode. The feelings I have for her are less sentimental and more fierce. Like if you do anything to hurt my baby I will take you down. You’re most likely to find me crying when she’s crying because I can’t handle her being upset. I will do anything in my power to make her happy.

And so I’ll feed her again for the third time this hour even when it hurts. I’ll carry her around at 4am until she sleeps because she’s still a bit freaked out lying on her own. I’ll lie and sit in awkward positions to help her feel more comfortable. I’ll ignore the fact that we haven’t cleaned the house in three weeks, that the laundry is piling up, I’ve dozens of emails to reply to, a blog without posts, and dozens of thank you cards to write and send.

Because I’d do anything for her. This love is fierce.

And because, goodness, those cheeks! Could she be any cuter?!

Kaya and Mama 2

**

Thank you so much to all of you who have messaged us, tweeted us, emailed, sent cards and gifts, dropped over meals, held Kaya so I could shower, and generally been so thrilled for us. We are so grateful and will eventually find our new normal – hopefully with a little time to reply to you all!

The blog might continue to be a little quiet for a while, but I’m still around on twitter and instagram (they’re easier to keep up with one-handed in the middle of the night while she feeds in the dark…) and I’d love to connect with you there.

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