Danish is the first language I have truly attempted to conquer since I left school. I took German classes for seven years in school but most of that is now deeply buried somewhere in the dark recesses of my brain, so Germans should not attempt conversation with me. And French, well. I can speak the little you need to order a beer or dinner, direct someone in vaguely the right direction and figure out whether to pull or push a door.
With other languages, I never quite found the motivation to work hard at it. I’m actually quite good at picking up the grammar concepts (I got an A in the one beginner French class I took when I moved to Belgium!). And I guess I believe what Seth Godin wrote this week about skills: “People say that they are not gifted/talented/smart enough to play the trumpet/learn to code/write a book. That’s crazy. Sure, it may be that they don’t possess world-class talent, the sort of stuff that is one in a million. But too stupid to do something that millions and millions of people can do?” Forget the excuses, I could (re)learn French or German if I prioritised it.
But Danish? Here I have the best motivation in the world: not ever wanting my husband to be able to talk behind my back without me understanding. Just to be clear, I’m not imagining him saying malicious things. More likely he and any future kids would gang up on me with endless silly pranks. I’m not about to help them in the process if I can help it!
Also, of course, there’s the very important motivation of being able to communicate with his family and friends, and on some level I really believe that you really can’t fully know a person without being able to speak with them in their mother tongue. Speaking Danish with Rasmus makes our relationship stronger.
So how is it going? Pretty well I think. I’ve been learning just over two years, with just my wonderful teacher and Rasmus to practise on for the most part (besides a few skype calls with my mother in law here and there). I know it would have gone much faster if we’d been living in Denmark and I could practise everywhere I went, but this is where we are and this is what I had to work with, and I think I have effectively proved you don’t need to live in a country to learn a language well.
I can now have quite long one-on-one conversations with someone in Danish, or even in small groups I can keep up if they are actively including me (because usually that means they’re slowing down). In the large groups I get lost very quickly because, as happens in any language, the talking speeds up, people interrupt, talk on top of each other, change subject suddenly…
In those moments it is very very easy to feel discouraged. I focus on those periods of complete bafflement rather than the successful conversations. Maybe all this effort I have been putting in to learning my vocabulary and doing my homework each week, watching Matador with Rasmus on dvd with the Danish subtitles, buying Danish women’s magazines to give myself reading practise… maybe it hasn’t worked?
But that’s really rubbish. There are so many steps in language learning from the early wobbles with “jeg hedder Fiona” through “vil du have mere kaffe?” to full fluency. And those big group conversations? That will be the very last thing to come. And the strong island dialect they’re speaking? Uh huh, just admit defeat already and accept you might have some idea in twenty years time!
As in everything in life, positivity is crucial. Wobbly baby steps forward are still baby steps. And although I might sit through conversations now having no clue what is going on, in a few years time I’ll suddenly realise that I’ve been following along for half an hour and have a fair idea of what everyone said.
And in another few years, I’ll be the one interrupting.
I’d love to hear what your experiences have been of learning a language? So many people have it on their “life to do list” but have you ever started? Succeeded or failed horribly?! Let me know…
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It’s motivation that’s the key. And your comment on learning to walk was very apt. When you were six months old, crawling was simply not enough; all you wanted to do was walk, and you spent every available minute practising. And six weeks later, you were off….. So I think the only thing which would really get me learning a new language would be being forced to live in a country where they didn’t speak English!
Huh, I wonder where all that early self-discipline went?! Maybe the effort of walking at seven months was just too much and laziness has looked much more attractive ever since…
It sounds like you are doing great with Danish! I bet your German helped a bit too. I know that my one semester of German helped me with Norwegian, because of some of the similarities in structures. ein buch–buchen….en bok….boken, etc.
With French….I studied it all through high school and university, and in the years after, I tried to keep it somewhat active. But a year or so ago, I remember being so completely frustrated that after YEARS and YEARS of studying French, I STILL messed up basic things by making mistakes in my pronunciation or word choice or not being able to come up with the word I needed in the right moment. It made it all feel so hopeless, like I would NEVER EVER get where I want my French to be. And it made me not want to talk because my mistakes made me feel stupid. Of course, that would be the worst possible reaction….so I talked anyways (but certainly felt very humbled). Thankfully most of the people I talk with treat me as an intelligent person who is speaking a second language (which is not always the case, I have found!) and so the “stupid” feelings have mostly gone away. And living in a city that is entirely francophone has made it much easier to practice (as opposed to Montreal).
But I guess that final stage of fluency comes with lots of practice. And I hope now that I am working in an French-speaking office, that it will come in the next year or so. I guess I might never get rid of my anglophone accent, but if I can’t do that, I would at least like to get my grammar/vocabulary/verbs pretty flawless and my accent as good as I can get it. My French is certainly much better now than it has ever been, and S says I am fluent, but I dunno….how does one define fluency anyways? It seems like the more I study and practice French, the more I see how much there is that I still need to master. It is hard to remember that, comparatively speaking, my French is good for a non-native speaker. I keep comparing my French to native French-speakers because that is where I want my French level to be. Sigh.
So, I find it to be rewarding and also frustrating. But also I feel my life is richer. I totally understand wanting to be fluent in your husband’s language, and being able to operate in the Danish community. I agree that to fully understand a person’s culture, you need to understand the language. And hearing someone express themselves in a native vs non-native language is different. I think different languages show slightly different aspects or nuances of personality. And I do think it is interesting to think about where you live….since you guys are living in a third culture that neither of you were born into (right?), how does that differ from living in the culture/country of one of you? How does that affect the culture(s) of the relationship and family? The language(s) of the home? I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this stuff as you keep learning Danish….
Anyhow…I have written a novel now!
Love hearing your experience! I can totally agree with, “I find it to be so rewarding and also frustrating. But also I feel my life is richer”. So true!
Brussels is maybe a weird country to be living in for that, because although they have three national languages that we don’t speak well (ok, a wee bit of German and a wee bit of French), most of our friends (though work or church mostly) are also internationals so we all speak English together. Maybe it would be different if we were in a place where there wasn’t such a large expat community. It’ll be interesting to see if it’s different in Luxembourg.
But I have appreciated having the first few years of marriage be in a country that’s not “home” to either of us. I’m sure we’d have done fine in either UK or Denmark too, but I like that we have this time to figure out our identity as a married couple, apart from any national or cultural pressures.
Thanks for your long comment!
Yesterday was a “frustrating” language day. I thought of our conversation though, when I was feeling frustrated and discouraged.
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