Rasmus started his new job today. And so today marked the start of a new season for us. The past year has been one of flexible schedules and fulltime parenting together and asking so many questions and leaning into the unknown. And now a part of that unknown is over. He has a job he’s happy about, and we’re settling into a new kind of rhythm for our little family.
Only of course, there’s not much settling happening yet.
Two weeks ago we moved out of our flat in Luxembourg. Rasmus and a friend drove our entire life possessions minus two suitcases over to the UK where the rental van broke down on the M25 and two days of madness ensued to try and get our stuff to my parent’s garage and my husband and his mate back to Luxembourg.
That week we house sat for friends in our neighbourhood which was a blessing of huge proportions. There was a garden to relax in and they’d left a doll in the travel cot for Kaya which she instantly fell in love with like no other toy she has ever played with.
Then one week ago I cried my way through our final church service, weeping tears into the communion wine and failing to hold it together when they blessed us and sent us out at the end of the service. And then we managed to sneak in Kaya’s final scheduled vaccinations (they’re important, people!!) and flew out two hours later, toasting this small and strange yet lovely country with a glass of complimentary Cremant as we went.
Then there was a night at my parent’s (so wonderful to be back in my childhood home, however briefly), and then four nights of holiday in a cottage in Devon. And like any typical English holiday I went from a day of jumpers and borrowed raincoats at the beach to a day in my bikini at the beach. Pack for all weather eventualities!
A fact I forgot this week. We flew into Edinburgh yesterday and today I left the flat without an umbrella. In Scotland. In August. What was I thinking?! I got drenched in a sudden downpour with all the locals casting me pitying glances as I half jogged Kaya’s (mercifully covered) buggy down the road towards the nearest cafe.
This is our fifth resting place in three weeks. In three days time we’ll add a sixth when we go visit my Grandpa in the Highlands for the weekend, and then a seventh the week after when we move to stay with my Uncle and Aunt for the final week in Edinburgh. And then down to London where we have three weeks with uncertain accommodation before our rental house is available.
So today is a massive shift for us. And yet I feel like a nomad in this moment. I feel anything but settled, anything but rhythmic. I worry for Kaya with all the changes, but a wise friend reminded me that I am where she gets her strongest sense of security from. And so I cling to our own vague and spontaneity-filled rhythms. We read the same two books over and over. I sing her the same songs. We play the same games in different gardens and on buses in different towns and countries.
The dust is beginning to settle. Some of those big questions we were asking all year have answers. There’s a job started and a house being prepared for us. I’m being connected with people who will be in my neighbourhood. I’m reveling in all the amazing conferences that take place or pass through London and signing up to them all.
And so I can live with the rest of the uncertainty for now. Sure, some days I long for the moment I get to unpack this suitcase for the last time. But this time is also a gift. I get to explore a bit more of the world with my little girl and see her enjoyment as she experiences things for the first time – sand, shells, maroon buses, wind that makes the building creak.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from watching other friends journey through times of transition, it’s that the magic happens when you just lean into it, all of the mess and the uncertainty and the up-in-the-air. In reality it’s the hardest thing to do of course, to just be in this moment, this one right here, without wishing it all away. But I want the magic. So I’ll willingly hang out in this in between space for a little longer.
Thanks for sticking around here when I am so absent recently. Here’s to finding the magic where we are, and giving ourselves the grace to just be. To just be. That’s all.
